For anyone out there, who reads this and doesn't already know what's going on with me, here's an update:
A few weeks ago, I decided to quit my job. I went into therapy and told my therapist about it. He was ubber supportive and said I seemed happy about this decision. I then asked if I should keep seeing him and he said we was going to ask me the same question. I said I felt okay going it alone for a while. We chatted a bit about a few other things--skin picking, perfectionism, etc. And that was that. I left feeling certain of my decision to quit my job, so I went and quit that afternoon.
I know I've whined a lot about how my therapist suggested I take SSRIs. After our last conversation about them, though, he let the topic go. I think he realized it flustered me. It's odd now that I'm not seeing my therapist how much I notice his absence. There are so few men in my life who are consistently nice to me, my partner being the one notable exception. Also, my therapist and I had quite a few conversations about being nice to myself. At first, I think, I believed he was telling me this out of some sort of utilitarian belief that being nice to myself would serve me better. On some level I believed that he was just nice to me because I was paying him to be. I think, though, after talking to him more I kind of came to believe that he was nice to me and wanted me to be nice to me because that's actually how he fundamentally approaches people. I found this deeply encouraging.
Since quitting, I've had a rough few weeks and wondered many times if my decision to quit therapy was hasty. Having to go to work has been really difficult. I have a lot of mixed feelings and I feel like I'm ditching my coworkers with a lot of work to do. I find myself getting angry about things I tend to get angry about it work, and then reminding myself that I need to let go. I'll be saddest not to see my coworker every day, but we live near each other and can continue to be friends if we choose to.
I've had a really good past few days. I think not being at work has helped considerably. My anxiety levels are pretty low.
I'm concerned about January when I won't be working. I need to have structure in my life and I need to be working on things that I care about and seeing people every day. This will be hard without a job, but not impossible.
A few weeks ago, I decided to quit my job. I went into therapy and told my therapist about it. He was ubber supportive and said I seemed happy about this decision. I then asked if I should keep seeing him and he said we was going to ask me the same question. I said I felt okay going it alone for a while. We chatted a bit about a few other things--skin picking, perfectionism, etc. And that was that. I left feeling certain of my decision to quit my job, so I went and quit that afternoon.
I know I've whined a lot about how my therapist suggested I take SSRIs. After our last conversation about them, though, he let the topic go. I think he realized it flustered me. It's odd now that I'm not seeing my therapist how much I notice his absence. There are so few men in my life who are consistently nice to me, my partner being the one notable exception. Also, my therapist and I had quite a few conversations about being nice to myself. At first, I think, I believed he was telling me this out of some sort of utilitarian belief that being nice to myself would serve me better. On some level I believed that he was just nice to me because I was paying him to be. I think, though, after talking to him more I kind of came to believe that he was nice to me and wanted me to be nice to me because that's actually how he fundamentally approaches people. I found this deeply encouraging.
Since quitting, I've had a rough few weeks and wondered many times if my decision to quit therapy was hasty. Having to go to work has been really difficult. I have a lot of mixed feelings and I feel like I'm ditching my coworkers with a lot of work to do. I find myself getting angry about things I tend to get angry about it work, and then reminding myself that I need to let go. I'll be saddest not to see my coworker every day, but we live near each other and can continue to be friends if we choose to.
I've had a really good past few days. I think not being at work has helped considerably. My anxiety levels are pretty low.
I'm concerned about January when I won't be working. I need to have structure in my life and I need to be working on things that I care about and seeing people every day. This will be hard without a job, but not impossible.
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