I had an obsession over the weekend. It was bad and it reminded me of what it feels like to be fully immersed in one: really shitty.
The situation was that something shitty happened at work Friday. I was able to let it go for the day, but when my partner got home from work, I launched into the whole story. I found myself getting angry and I couldn't let it go. I exercised and still couldn't let it go. I tried to sleep and still couldn't let it go. I eventually fell asleep, but Saturday morning I woke up early and it was there. I cried about it Saturday afternoon while trying to enjoy myself on a hike. Saturday night I told my friend about it and she recommended I take action. Sunday morning it was still there and I decided to write an email about the situation to my boss. It took me forever, I wrote it, and after some deliberation I sent it. I was anxious after sending it, but I definitely experienced significant relief. I was able to move on to other things.
The thing is, I didn't regret sending the email. I didn't see it as a pointless compulsion, like driving home to find that the door is already locked. At the same time, I know I was having an obsession. I wanted to write the email because I knew it would provide relief.
So, the question I have for myself is can I make difficult decisions without obsessing? I ultimately think it was a really good decision. But I just don't know how to come to those sorts of decisions without obsessing. Ack. I don't know how to live my life.
The situation was that something shitty happened at work Friday. I was able to let it go for the day, but when my partner got home from work, I launched into the whole story. I found myself getting angry and I couldn't let it go. I exercised and still couldn't let it go. I tried to sleep and still couldn't let it go. I eventually fell asleep, but Saturday morning I woke up early and it was there. I cried about it Saturday afternoon while trying to enjoy myself on a hike. Saturday night I told my friend about it and she recommended I take action. Sunday morning it was still there and I decided to write an email about the situation to my boss. It took me forever, I wrote it, and after some deliberation I sent it. I was anxious after sending it, but I definitely experienced significant relief. I was able to move on to other things.
The thing is, I didn't regret sending the email. I didn't see it as a pointless compulsion, like driving home to find that the door is already locked. At the same time, I know I was having an obsession. I wanted to write the email because I knew it would provide relief.
So, the question I have for myself is can I make difficult decisions without obsessing? I ultimately think it was a really good decision. But I just don't know how to come to those sorts of decisions without obsessing. Ack. I don't know how to live my life.
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