I sometimes get jealous of my friends who actually talk to their therapists about things. Like they have some problem in their life and they go talk to their therapists about it. And their therapists listen and give them advice and they feel better. Or maybe their therapists just give them some things to think over that will help point them in the right direction.
My therapy sessions are nothing like this. My therapist does not know anything about my day-to-day problems. He knows nothing about my relationship or the dynamics at my job. I don't talk to him about sex. He doesn't know what I value in life and what I don't give a shit about.
The thing is, this is okay. I think my therapist is very good, in part because he is so direct and to the point. We work on a specific issue I'm having and don't dabble into anything else.
I have no problem with talk therapy--it's been shown to work just fine for a number of things. However, I don't think it would be good for me unless perhaps I had a talk therapist who could tell me when my talking starting sounding like obsessing.
Nonetheless, part of the reason I went into therapy was that I needed more support in my life. I get support in the sense that my OCD and skin-picking symptoms are lessened, but not really any emotional support outside of these limited topics. I'm kind of jealous that I don't have an impartial person to talk to about my problems.
More than that, a few of my friends can casually mention, "my therapist said such and such" or "I'm going to talk to my therapist about that." I never say these things, not because I'm a closed person, but because there never is a good way to drop into a conversation what my therapist says or what I'm planning to talk to my therapist about. I suppose I worry that I come off as more closed than I really am.
My therapy sessions are nothing like this. My therapist does not know anything about my day-to-day problems. He knows nothing about my relationship or the dynamics at my job. I don't talk to him about sex. He doesn't know what I value in life and what I don't give a shit about.
The thing is, this is okay. I think my therapist is very good, in part because he is so direct and to the point. We work on a specific issue I'm having and don't dabble into anything else.
I have no problem with talk therapy--it's been shown to work just fine for a number of things. However, I don't think it would be good for me unless perhaps I had a talk therapist who could tell me when my talking starting sounding like obsessing.
Nonetheless, part of the reason I went into therapy was that I needed more support in my life. I get support in the sense that my OCD and skin-picking symptoms are lessened, but not really any emotional support outside of these limited topics. I'm kind of jealous that I don't have an impartial person to talk to about my problems.
More than that, a few of my friends can casually mention, "my therapist said such and such" or "I'm going to talk to my therapist about that." I never say these things, not because I'm a closed person, but because there never is a good way to drop into a conversation what my therapist says or what I'm planning to talk to my therapist about. I suppose I worry that I come off as more closed than I really am.
My therapist actually tries to refrain from giving me advice, in general, but I do talk to her about my problems in the way you described.
ReplyDeleteBut - I wonder why *can't* you talk to your therapist about these things? When I first started talking to a therapist, it was really embarrassing to talk about my problems. But, I sort of had to get over that. I'm still not completely over it, it's something I work toward. Maybe you could ask him about it?
Also, why do you care so much about shutting down when you are obsessing? It's ok to obsess sometimes. I mean, I guess that's what you're going into therapy for, but I obsess about things. Like sex, and people I want to fuck, etc. And maybe it's different, but like it's ok to obsess sometimes.
It's not that I can't, it's more that I'm doing largely behavioral therapy which is a very different style of therapy than you're doing, as far as I know. In behavioral therapy focuses on changing problematic behaviors.
ReplyDeleteAs for obsessing, there's a difference between an obsession in the colloquial sense and obsession in the clinical sense. An obsession in the clinical sense is any unwanted thought, urge, image, etc. So, yeah, I try to do things that do no exacerbate unwanted thoughts. Also according to my therapist, obsessing about anything trains you to respond to intrusive thoughts. So, even if you don't care that much about obsessing about whether or not you have your wallet, for example, if you do obsess, check for it, ruminate about it, then you are training yourself to obsess and perform compulsions.
Does this make sense?