A while ago I read Crazy Like Us by Ethan Watters. He proposed that mental illness--anorexia in particular--was an expression of our inner turmoil. He looked at how anorexia rates have skyrocketed in Hong Kong over the last couple decades, coinciding with an influx of Western narratives about mental illness in general and anorexia in particular. This is not to say that anorexia didn't exist at all in Hong Kong previously, but rather that both the incidence and narratives changed around it. For example, anorexics in the early 80s would complain of physical discomfort upon eating, whereas anorexics of the 2000s readily repeated the Western rhetoric about fears of becoming fat and feeling out of control around food. Watters theory was that with the influx of Western ideas about anorexia, girls and young woman latched onto it as a way to express their inner turmoil, a way to do so that would be recognized as a need for help.
Now, I don't know if it's fair to say that people always choose their mental illness as a cry for help--I certainly don't feel like I chose OCD. However, I do think it might be fair to say that is an expression of some sort of inner turmoil I am experiencing. Something about my life isn't working right now--it could be any number of things--and I don't think my OCD will go away until I begin to address this.
A few of my friends and I are planning a trip in December that will hopefully be a way to address this feeling healthily. My fear in reflecting on what in my life isn't working is that it's good obsession fodder. There are lots of questions and the questions can feel urgent. An then attempts to answer the questions can lead to doubts and difficulty making decisions. Obsession, obsession, obsession! I want to avoid this, but I don't want to avoid healthful reflection on what isn't working for me.
I feel a little stuck. Where to begin in making changes? I'm convinced it isn't any one thing that's causing my inner turmoil, but rather a combination of things. Stress at work, boredom in general, stagnation in my relationship (ROCD, I'm telling you to shut up now), stagnation in my social life, lack of any sort of spirituality in my life, lack of meaning in my work, too much work, not eating well, allergies, too many things to deal with... who knows? Hopefully some clarity will come to me.
Now, I don't know if it's fair to say that people always choose their mental illness as a cry for help--I certainly don't feel like I chose OCD. However, I do think it might be fair to say that is an expression of some sort of inner turmoil I am experiencing. Something about my life isn't working right now--it could be any number of things--and I don't think my OCD will go away until I begin to address this.
A few of my friends and I are planning a trip in December that will hopefully be a way to address this feeling healthily. My fear in reflecting on what in my life isn't working is that it's good obsession fodder. There are lots of questions and the questions can feel urgent. An then attempts to answer the questions can lead to doubts and difficulty making decisions. Obsession, obsession, obsession! I want to avoid this, but I don't want to avoid healthful reflection on what isn't working for me.
I feel a little stuck. Where to begin in making changes? I'm convinced it isn't any one thing that's causing my inner turmoil, but rather a combination of things. Stress at work, boredom in general, stagnation in my relationship (ROCD, I'm telling you to shut up now), stagnation in my social life, lack of any sort of spirituality in my life, lack of meaning in my work, too much work, not eating well, allergies, too many things to deal with... who knows? Hopefully some clarity will come to me.
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