I feel like I have experienced some relief from my OCD in the past few days, ever since getting lost in the woods the other afternoon/early evening.
The funny thing about getting out of my head and back into the world is that I've realized there are all these things I've neglected--cleaning my house, cleaning my kitchen, my relationship, my job (not so much), and my friendships. It suddenly feels like these things matter again and I feel angry at myself for not giving them sufficient attention--particularly my relationship.
And it's all feeling a little stressful now. It's like I've been suffering so much, what I really need is some peace. But life isn't giving that to me. Now I have to deal with the mess I left when I wasn't feeling so good. The thing is stress triggers OCD for me, so I need to manage this feeling that I'm having as best I can so that I'm able to actually pay attention to the important things.
The funny thing about getting out of my head and back into the world is that I've realized there are all these things I've neglected--cleaning my house, cleaning my kitchen, my relationship, my job (not so much), and my friendships. It suddenly feels like these things matter again and I feel angry at myself for not giving them sufficient attention--particularly my relationship.
And it's all feeling a little stressful now. It's like I've been suffering so much, what I really need is some peace. But life isn't giving that to me. Now I have to deal with the mess I left when I wasn't feeling so good. The thing is stress triggers OCD for me, so I need to manage this feeling that I'm having as best I can so that I'm able to actually pay attention to the important things.
I get the same thing when I feel better from Lyme and go out and realize what I've been missing, not doing, not able to take care of. It's so weird, things can get more complicated when you start doing better from your major complaint but at least it's a complication from moving in a good direction.
ReplyDeleteI think part of getting better in these types of situations is learning to be ok with things in a state of being half fixed.
ReplyDeleteWhen I've gotten upset and depressed/whatever, my house ends up a mess and people end up neglected. I have to accept that cleaning my house a little bit is better than doing nothing, and seeing people less often than I'd like is better than not seeing them at all.
It's ok! Your friends will wait until you have more time, your house will eventually get cleaned up. Making the effort at this point is more important than the immediate results, I think.